Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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