Life is so much better after having sex.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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