mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
