I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
