susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize