Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
