At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
50% drunk capacity currently
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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