STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
