just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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