I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
