guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
