Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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