I got chris browned last night
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
