Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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