the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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