the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Come see our sink grown plant.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize