Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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