I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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