Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
