Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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