ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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