Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
