She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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