Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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