Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
