YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
