I hate your face
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
