She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
50% drunk capacity currently
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
