He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
