Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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