Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
