Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
