I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
