Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
