I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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