Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
