i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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