No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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