a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
