Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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