i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
