He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
