2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
