He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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