I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
