I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
