Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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