I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
