Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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