For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I think your dad took our porno
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
