Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
