he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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