maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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