Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize