oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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