The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
