If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
