I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
did you just send me my own nude
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
