Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
