Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
