I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize