I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize