I heard we made out
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Randomize
