Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
