Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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