I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
