Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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