I'm really into asian looking animals
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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