I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize