I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
