I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
