Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
