i just wanna soil my oats bro
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
