Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
