I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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