The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
