so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
