Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize