I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
