I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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