Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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