I bet he comes in French.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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