once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
